Precilla
07-11-2003, 01:25 PM
Drinking.........
Has changed my views of life..It makes everything seem more clear to me.When sober, it seems disfunctional, it doesn't fit..Reality of the matter is this: Drinking distorted my view,it was blurred,almost an illusion. I could do and say thing's I would never say or do,be someone I am not,and may never be. It became normal for me to feel this way, It wasn't a high anymore,it was the way I know knew life to be. I don't feel easy with life unless I have had a few drinks. I forgot what it is like to be happy with myself.
I have hurt people around me in all walks of life, verbally and physically. I've done it most often, when I was drunk. Changing myself will not be an easy task, remeber, I forgot what life really is like, I have lived in a world different from yours'.
I must learn that drinking is not a way to live life better or feel safer. I feel like I am in full control while intoxicated; Illusions are tricky......I must learn that to have fun does not require me to be drinking.I can play golf without drinking, play pool without drinking, go fishing without drinking. It doesn't mean everything to me, I don't have to drink....I simply forgot how to live.
The roads I chose to walk finally found a "Y".....Now, I need to walk the path differently, I found the end of that road. It hurt's to see what I lost, more importantly, what I may have had. I felt that writing this would somehow show me I can see, only if I look.
Going out with friend's once in a while is ok...Going out every night is not ok, something is wrong.
Accomplished since 21 : .................................................. ........................
Time to move on. Ray.
Has changed my views of life..It makes everything seem more clear to me.When sober, it seems disfunctional, it doesn't fit..Reality of the matter is this: Drinking distorted my view,it was blurred,almost an illusion. I could do and say thing's I would never say or do,be someone I am not,and may never be. It became normal for me to feel this way, It wasn't a high anymore,it was the way I know knew life to be. I don't feel easy with life unless I have had a few drinks. I forgot what it is like to be happy with myself.
I have hurt people around me in all walks of life, verbally and physically. I've done it most often, when I was drunk. Changing myself will not be an easy task, remeber, I forgot what life really is like, I have lived in a world different from yours'.
I must learn that drinking is not a way to live life better or feel safer. I feel like I am in full control while intoxicated; Illusions are tricky......I must learn that to have fun does not require me to be drinking.I can play golf without drinking, play pool without drinking, go fishing without drinking. It doesn't mean everything to me, I don't have to drink....I simply forgot how to live.
The roads I chose to walk finally found a "Y".....Now, I need to walk the path differently, I found the end of that road. It hurt's to see what I lost, more importantly, what I may have had. I felt that writing this would somehow show me I can see, only if I look.
Going out with friend's once in a while is ok...Going out every night is not ok, something is wrong.
Accomplished since 21 : .................................................. ........................
Time to move on. Ray.