Rana
03-18-2004, 08:14 PM
>
>Quote from Chris Rock: "You know the world is going crazy when the best
>rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the
>NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S.
>of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful
>men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"
>A father asked his 12-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
>"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you
>won't tell me!" Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed,
>"When I was seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. At eight, I got
>the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was ten, you hit me with the
>'There's no Santa ' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't
>really get laid, I've got nothing left to live for!"
>A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
>the barber chair eating a snack cake, whie her dad gets his monthly hair cut.
>
>The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
>
>She says, "Yes, I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."
>
>And we're gonna need a rimshot for this one:
>A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran
> Wrap.
>The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
>An Irishman, an Italian, and a Redneck from South Georgia are in a bar. They
>are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the
>Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from back in Dublin
>there's a better one, called MacDougal's. If you buy two drinks, MacDougal
>himself will buy you a third drink!"
>The others agreed that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says,
>"Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. There's
>this place, Vinny's - best bar ever. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys
>you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." They all
>agree that sounds like a great bar.
>Then the Redneck says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's
>this place called Bubba's. At Bubba's, they buy youyour first drink, they buy
>your second drink, they buy you your third, fourth and fifth drink, and then
>they take you in the back and get you laid!"
>"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to
>you?"
>"No," replies the Redneck, "but it happened to my sister!"
>Quote from Chris Rock: "You know the world is going crazy when the best
>rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the
>NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S.
>of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful
>men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"
>A father asked his 12-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
>"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you
>won't tell me!" Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed,
>"When I was seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. At eight, I got
>the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was ten, you hit me with the
>'There's no Santa ' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't
>really get laid, I've got nothing left to live for!"
>A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
>the barber chair eating a snack cake, whie her dad gets his monthly hair cut.
>
>The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
>
>She says, "Yes, I know. I'm gonna get boobs too."
>
>And we're gonna need a rimshot for this one:
>A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran
> Wrap.
>The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
>An Irishman, an Italian, and a Redneck from South Georgia are in a bar. They
>are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the
>Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from back in Dublin
>there's a better one, called MacDougal's. If you buy two drinks, MacDougal
>himself will buy you a third drink!"
>The others agreed that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says,
>"Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. There's
>this place, Vinny's - best bar ever. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys
>you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." They all
>agree that sounds like a great bar.
>Then the Redneck says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's
>this place called Bubba's. At Bubba's, they buy youyour first drink, they buy
>your second drink, they buy you your third, fourth and fifth drink, and then
>they take you in the back and get you laid!"
>"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to
>you?"
>"No," replies the Redneck, "but it happened to my sister!"