Rana
12-08-2003, 08:25 PM
> The Night Before Sexmas
> > >
> > >'Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
> > >The kids were all gone, the old lady in heat
> > >
> > >The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook
> > >It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
> > >
> > >Mama in her teddy, and me in the nude
> > >Had just hit the bed and reached for the lube
> > >
> > >When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
> > >That I lost my boner and mama went dry.
> > >
> > >Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
> > >Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
> > >
> > >The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
> > >Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
> > >
> > >When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> > >But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy deer.
> > >
> > >With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
> > >A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
> > >
> > >Sure as I speak, he was high as a kite.
> > >He yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
> > >
> > >Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
> > >Either slow this rig down or I'll cut off your nuts.
> > >
> > >Look out for the lamp post, don't hit the tree,
> > >Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta pee.
> > >
> > >They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
> > >Just as Santa leaned out and puked on a shrub.
> > >
> > >And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
> > >As each mangy deer was emptyin it's bladder.
> > >
> > >I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
> > >When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
> > >
> > >His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
> > >He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
> > >
> > >"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
> > >"The reindeer are pooped, think we'll stay here awhile.
> > >
> > >He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
> > >Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
> > >
> > >I started to laugh, as he smiled with glee,
> > >The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
> > >
> > >Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
> > >But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
> > >
> > >The first thing he found was a pair of fake tits,
> > >Then shaped like a gun was a penis that spits.
> > >
> > >A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
> > >And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
> > >
> > >A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
> > >And quite a few things that I shouldn't mention.
> > >
> > >A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
> > >A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
> > >
> > >"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
> > >So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
> > >
> > >He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
> > >With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
> > >
> > >He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
> > >Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
> > >
> > >In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
> > >Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
> > >
> > >The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
> > >"The best thing about sex is it never wears out!"
> > >
> > >'Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
> > >The kids were all gone, the old lady in heat
> > >
> > >The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook
> > >It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
> > >
> > >Mama in her teddy, and me in the nude
> > >Had just hit the bed and reached for the lube
> > >
> > >When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
> > >That I lost my boner and mama went dry.
> > >
> > >Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
> > >Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
> > >
> > >The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
> > >Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
> > >
> > >When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> > >But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy deer.
> > >
> > >With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
> > >A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
> > >
> > >Sure as I speak, he was high as a kite.
> > >He yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
> > >
> > >Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
> > >Either slow this rig down or I'll cut off your nuts.
> > >
> > >Look out for the lamp post, don't hit the tree,
> > >Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta pee.
> > >
> > >They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
> > >Just as Santa leaned out and puked on a shrub.
> > >
> > >And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
> > >As each mangy deer was emptyin it's bladder.
> > >
> > >I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
> > >When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
> > >
> > >His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
> > >He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
> > >
> > >"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
> > >"The reindeer are pooped, think we'll stay here awhile.
> > >
> > >He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
> > >Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
> > >
> > >I started to laugh, as he smiled with glee,
> > >The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
> > >
> > >Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
> > >But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
> > >
> > >The first thing he found was a pair of fake tits,
> > >Then shaped like a gun was a penis that spits.
> > >
> > >A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
> > >And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
> > >
> > >A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
> > >And quite a few things that I shouldn't mention.
> > >
> > >A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
> > >A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
> > >
> > >"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
> > >So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
> > >
> > >He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
> > >With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
> > >
> > >He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
> > >Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
> > >
> > >In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
> > >Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
> > >
> > >The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
> > >"The best thing about sex is it never wears out!"